Yesterday
by Necro13
Summary: On the day of Sirius Black's funeral...Remus rembers the past. True summary inside.


_**Yesterday**_

AU: Hi! Necro13 here cleaning up something from the vaults. I wrote this 9/05/09...so about four years ago? Wow. It doesn't seem like that long. Well, since I feel like i need to, I'm going to clean it up. Its still slash, lol, I'm not changing that but I am going to clean up the spelling and grammar errors up a bit to make it flow better. Hopefully I did it well enough. ^^

The heavens rumbled fiercly darkening the surroundings like a hand falling upon its prize and engulfing it in one swift motion. I sighed staring at those menacing clouds. I never minded the rain it was always a welcome change especially at certain types of the month; the more clouds the better I had always thought. If they engulfed the sky that means the moon doesn't shine. But today..I couldn't help but feel it was a form of epic irony. To me,death has always meant a way of moving on from all your burdens and finally being lead to peace. If that didn't bring happiness...I dont know what does. Yet, it always rained on funerals which meant to many saddness and deppression. Great. I'm ranting and the funeral hasn't even begun. For the longest time it was as through time wasn't even there. Everything was still, even the wind stopped moaning to wait with me. My eyes moved from the coffin in the front of the few empty chairs before me to the entrance of the Blacks private funeral home. A smile crept to my face. Yet another epic irony. In the back of my mind,I could hear my friend moan_,"Me? Buried next to them? Ha! Over my cold,possibly violated corpse! Moony...I'm not letting you smoke any more weed! It's getting to your last brain cell mate..." _

I shook my head. I guess what he doesn't know can't hurt him. I looked over my shoulder as the wind started up again. The only one there was me and the minister.

"I can't wait any longer,Remus...you'll have to deal with being the only one at this ceromony..."

I nodded with a gentle smile. I didn't expect any one,but me to be here any way. Sirus was what he was in the end. He died with his name uncleared. Falsly accused and falsly mistrusted, feared...uttmost...alone. Something I always thought that I would only understand. I looked to the entrance of the cemetery once more. Wondering if Dumbledore would allow Harry to come. I wish he would it would break Sirus's heart in half to know the only other person (not counting myself) he cared about couldn't make it to his funeral. But, I understood and hoped Sirus did as well. My head fell upon my open hand and I sank into my seat. My eyes (that seemed to dull more with each passing day) not leaving the coffin for a second. I wished the minister would shut up. Sirus would never want to hear this. He would want to make someone laugh not cry...and possibly pull suicide. I shake my head to the side smiling gently my vision being blured by the rain. A far away memory floated to my mind.

_"Sirus,you selfish...Selfish...rat bastard! I trusted you...how could you? Dont evn try to give me some lie! I can see it in your eyes! Your going to die alone...and unloved! With no one on your side as you get consumed by dirt to be eaten by maggots and worms!"_

_"Moony...I swear...I-"_

_"Dont bloody say it! I dont care!"_

The rain poured down faster as my lips puffed out a sigh. How the hell did we make it through life? How the hell did we ever end right back where we started...in each other's arms? How many bloody times did we nearly kill each other and James had to put himself between us? How the hell did either of us make it without James? I'll never know the answer to any of those questions. Nor am I sure I want to...they say the truth is more powerful then the lies we tell ourselves...

_"Moony,Moony,Moony...trust me,will ya?"_

_"We're in a cematery...your on top of me...and the only sound I hear is Magic man by heart playing on that damn radio of yours...why would I trust you?"_

_"Because...you must understand...I'm a magic man and I've got the magic hands..."_

My heart slammed into my chest and 'bout stopped. I felt Sirus hands on me once more. I was fifteen...nearly sixteen...and Sirus had his teeth presses into my neck; blood dipped down my neck but didn't get far for Sirus was two stepps ahead rolling his tongue across my neck not letting a single drop escape him-

My eyes slammed shut,when they opened time seemed to have skipped ahead without me. The minister was done with his speech and was saying his final lines as they lowered my friend into the ground...without a care. The mortichans and the minister were then talking about quidich not long afterwards. Not caring my friend was dead. Not caring the slightest that he was never going to make me laugh (or cry) again.

"Sorry for your loss Remus,but he had it coming ya know..." the minister muttered to me walking by popping an umbrella over his head and lighting up a smoke. And then with a _pop,_ disappeared. Thunder fired over head, it would send most running to their homes for they knew it could only mean the down pour was coming but it simply made me sigh. I sat next to the grave and whispered to the heavens,"Bring it on..." and that it did. It was almost like swimming in the deeper end of the pool of when you were to inexpienced to swim. I might drown if I stayed out much longer,but I didn't really care.

I shut my eyes and only heard the heavens pounding upon the ground with its small water fists. I was nothing for the longest of time. Sighing, I took a drink of the poison I once promised to never drink again. A few ravens squawked in the back ground making me drink deeper into the flask. My father always said ravens meant death. I shook the thought away quickly. No. Remus J. Lupin wasn't going to die here. Well, not now at least. Then...after such a long time of silence that could have passed for a centry... I heard something familure in the back ground.

_Yesterday. My problems seemed so far away. Now it looks as through their here to stay. Oh,I believe in yesterday._

Some muggle was passing by with his radio alittle too loud,but I didn't mind and I knew Sirus didn't either. Well, if he could hear it of course. I leaned against his grave stone and whispered to it gently,"Padfoot...the beatles always take me back to those old, gloriouse days. Do they do that for you as well?"

I didn't expect an answer,but I couldn't help leaning more deeply onto the stone and close my eyes and allow my heart to do what it wanted for once...faze back time to those simpler times.

I was sixteen, getting stoned by the forbin forest. James was at my side telling me I was an idiot for loving a foolish man whore like Sirius. I smiled and kissed Sirius on the cheek and muttered,"The whole lot of us are whores...why can't I love this one?"

I was fifteen, walking carelessly to the front of the great hall hate gleeming in my eyes, the whole room stopped and stared as I slammed my hand across Sirius's face tears flowing from my eyes as I whisper,"I trusted you! You bastard! And you tell Snape what I am!"

It faded out and I was crying in the owlery, Sirius walks in and I don't give him a chance as I chuck a water dish at him, he narrowly avoids it. Staring questioningly at me, searching my eyes for answers and he to share the pain as I yelled...

_"Sirus,you selfish...Selfish...rat bastard! I trusted you...how could you? Dont evn try to give me some lie! I can see it in your eyes! Your going to die alone...and unloved! With no one on your side as you get consumed by dirt to be eaten by maggots and worms!"_

_"Moony...I swear...I-" he stammered out gently hurt in his eyes, it went unnoticed to my anger as I snarled._

_"Dont bloody say it! I dont care!"_

"I'm sorry about that...it's my fault you died alone...I shouldn't have cursed you love..." I plead to nothing, hoping he can hear me.

I was now looking in his horrified eyes as he tried to reason with me. It was the night James died. He somehow convinced the auras to bring him to see me, assure them of his inosence.

"I didn't do it babe! Believe me...you know me!" he snapps fighting off the arms trying to restrain him, fighting his way closer to my tear stained face. I shake my head and kiss him on the cheek for what I thought would be the last time.

"I wish I did..." I groan shutting the door in his face and turning away from his cries.

I shake my head to the memory,"If I lisened...you would be breathing right now...you would be here...you would have been there..."

I was now wearing a deep black cloak walking steadilly to his cell, his eyes flash immediatly and he clings to the cell's bars pushing his face closer to mine.

"Well? Do you believe me now?" he croaks, I shake my head gently to him.

"I don't know what to believe, but the evidence speaks for its self. Good bye Sirius Black. Don't you dare ever try to contact me again..." he yells to me as I disappear, but I never caught it, no matter how many times my regreting mind tries to capture the words he yelled and I simply ignore.

"Sirius did you curse my name in your cell? Did you wish for me to rott in a hole? Wish for magats to feast upon my undeserving flesh? I know I certantlily did after I found out the truth about you...how you never lied to me..." my words were shaken at this point and couldn't hold back the tears that were threatening to exploded out since I first shut the door in his face thirteen years ago.

Finally I was eleven. I can't help but laugh at how femine I looked with my hair long like that. Sirius grabed my ass the first time I passed by him in the Gryffindor table and Jame's whistled to me, but both turned brick red when I growled I was a boy. It didn't stop Sirius though, for the rest of the year he did his best to awe me. He memorized the text books over seven times to make himself smartest to get me to look to him for help. But the thing that amazes me most was he _hired _Slytherins to attemp to mug me just to be my hero, hehe; too bad I could take care of myself though. I gave Luciose Malfoy a black eye and a bloody nose, it got James's attention at least. He followed me around for a weak and begged me until I said yes to be a part of his gang. That was how it all began, Sirius trully is the reason I'm still alive today and yet...how many times did I stab you in the back love? Too many to count. You rotted in prison thanks to me. Now your going to rott in a hole. I knew that you should have stayed behind, you were to watch the hideout, you weren't supposed to be there that night.

"You weren't supposed to be there..." tears fell out more quickly and the alchol is blinding my vision now.

"You weren't supposed to be there..."

_fin_

A/N: There you have it. I hope I grew enough as a writer to atleast catch all the errors (that don't have any thing to do with the plot error of making it slash or giving Sirius a funeral...cause there was no body left at the end of book five ^^' I can be such an idiot at times...), if you catch any more just send me a message.


End file.
